Would have been one year old...

Today is the one year anniversary of the EDD of my first pregnancy. If things had gone differently I would have a one year old now. It seems odd that I would think about that because it was about a year ago that we concieved Jason - the light of my life and the sweetest baby ever. I am so thankful to God for the blessing that is my wonderful son, yet I'm still sad today. I'm wearing my remembrance necklace I bought soon after I miscarried. I wore it from the miscarriage until the EDD then again on the anniversary of the miscarriage (July 24th). I've just been thinking a lot last night and this morning. Last night we were singing our Palm Sunday/Good Friday songs. I've never really been saddened by Christ's death. I knew it was God's plan and that he would be raised from the dead 3 days later so knowing the happy ending it was hard for me to be too upset. One of the songs we're singing is from Mary's perspective. We sang it a few years ago and so many people cried, but I didn't. Now that I have a son, I was SOBBING. It had to be so hard to see your son die like that...I don't know if I can fit enough tissues in my folder to get me through Palm Sunday this year. Of course I was already sad because Jason was SCREAMING before choir rehearsal last night. I hadn't heard him like that since he got his shots and it really scared me. My friend Krissy suggested it was gas and after some Mylicon and bouncing and patting he felt better. I couldn't imagine dealing with that all the time. I am so grateful that Jason is usually such a calm, happy baby. Sorry for the bummer post. I guess cute pictures and milestones aren't all that's on my mind.